


Finding his morals in a fucked up world

by imboredsohereiam



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24623254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imboredsohereiam/pseuds/imboredsohereiam
Summary: A journey about Winston realising how fucked up this whole thing is, and him trying to find a solution that feels right for himself.
Relationships: Alex Standall/Winston Williams, Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Montgomery de la Cruz/Winston Williams
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Finding his morals in a fucked up world

**Author's Note:**

> 13 reasons why messed with my moral principles, so I want at least Winston to find his principles.

Winston is a fucking mess, but there’s not really anyone to notice it. His mother is hardly ever home, and unless their’s a party at his house, there are no friends he would spend his time with.  
Winston is a fucking mess and he has to find it out all by himself. He had fallen for Monty in just a few days, and was ready to do everything to give him what he had thought Monty deserved.   
But then he meets Alex and he falls for him too, and he doesn’t forget about Monty, but he’s also so fucking focused on Alex. And Winston can’t really tell why he fell for Alex, maybe because he had been kind to him, but Tyler had been kind to, and maybe he would have fallen for Tyler too, if he had had the chance.   
He falls for Alex and after only a few weeks, when Alex breaks it of, Winston is broken. 

It takes a lot of time for him to realise how fucked up he really is. He loved Monty even though he had beaten him up. And yes he thought that everyone deserved a fucking second chance so it really isn’t wrong to have granted Monty one, and it might even had been okay to fall for him, if there was enough time given. But you don’t just fall for someone that is so messed up in just a few days. You just don’t.  
And his love doesn’t stop when he finds out about all the shit Monty had actually done.

Winston didn’t count the possibility in, that Alex could have been the one who killed Bryce. Alex seemed so soft and innocent, and everyone moved around him like he’d never done something wrong, and really it was so easy to think that it might had been Jessica or Justin, because they had a certain presence, they automatically caught attention.  
He doesn’t expect it to be Alex, and he’s upset and he finds himself in a Dilemma, and even then he doesn’t realise how fucked up all this shit is. After all, he’s not here to seek justice for Bryce, but for Monty. 

Winston really considers not going to the police. After all these months were he had tried to find proof that Monty in fact was not the murderer, he was thinking about throwing it all away. He forgot about Estela, who desperately looked for the truth, needed the truth. He forgot about his morals, does he even have morals? Is it right to let go of justice, only because you love someone?  
And to be real, Winston has once again fallen for a person, who he didn’t know. He had fallen for Alex and now that his secret was revealed, he wasn’t really sure what to think. Which would have been okay. But in all honesty, Winston didn’t really think about it. He didn’t want to find out if his image of Alex had changed or not. He also didn’t want to change his image of Monty, even after all the shit he heard about him.

Winston was lonely. Abandoned by his mother without anyone to notice, because she was home sometimes. He was put in a society where there were expected so many things of him, going to Princeton, following a path that was made for him before he even was born. And without having had anyone who would put him to bed and sing him to sleep, without having had anyone since he was born, he might just wanted to provide someone this love. Or he wanted to receive this love, even though getting beaten up really wasn’t about love. Maybe Winston spent too much time alone to actually release how he should be treated, maybe his mind had told him that the reason his mother ignored him was because he deserved no better.  
Yes, Winston really should go see a fucking therapist.

And then it’s fucking Prom and Winston still hasn’t decided what to do. Is it even allowed to wait so long? Can he still go to the police after so much time having passed?  
He sees Alex and Charlie, and they are being announced Prom King and King, or Queen and Queen, or King and Queen, whatever they wanted to be that night, and Winston doesn’t really feel anything. He’s used to be running after stuff that isn’t real, so he can still imagine himself being with Alex, even though there’s Charlie right next to him, and maybe it’s even easier to be with someone only in fantasy. Winston isn’t jealous.   
Or maybe he is.

When he sees Monty, he forgets how to breathe. It feels wrong to dance with him, after still haven’t proofed his innocence. And yes, Monty isn’t real, but the things he says are so close to reality, that Winston doesn’t know what to say. It’s true, Monty would have never let him be close to him. They would have never danced. Maybe for Monty, Winston even simply was a good fuck. And Winston realised how messed up this whole situation is. He needs to decide on what to do, without thinking of Alex or Monty.

He does think of Tyler and Estela. He needs to find the right choice. But then he bans them from his thoughts, because he must set his own morals. 

He doesn’t go to the police. Later Alex will tell him, that Officer Standall knew about everything. Fucking police-system, but really he doesn’t mind.  
Instead he goes to Estela, hands her photos of said night, Estela can now decide for herself what to do with it. He thinks about giving the photos Diego, but he soon realises that he knows about Jessica’s involvement.  
He sometimes thinks that it was wrong giving the photos Estela, because she now has to deal with this shit, and really this shit messes with your mind, but then again it was the right thing to do. Estela knew Monty the most, and also loved him the most, and should therefore decide about him.  
Luckily graduation had been over, so after handing her the photos, he leaves. Or at least he tries to stop spending time with any of the people, he doesn’t go to the party Diego invited him to. He goes home and thinks about his future and yes he still wants to pursue photography and yes his mother might have managed to bribe Princeton to take Winston, but Winston just needs some time.

He spends time abroad, in Europe, because even his mother thinks that spending time away might be looked at as an educational journey, and he has so much time in his hands, and he’s so lonely, that he finally gets to know himself. It’s fucking scary, but at the same time he’s getting better.  
He doesn’t really think about his future, or anything really. He just exists, he takes photographs, he eats, he travels, he’s lonely. He doesn’t go to meet any boys, because he’s scared that the same thing might happen all over again. Not him getting beaten up, but him falling so fast that he might loose himself on the way.

One day he might even be ready to talk to a psychologist or someone else about it.


End file.
